So many of us don’t even know we’re doing it.
We think we are just observing the facts. Just reporting on the world around us. We look at our situation, and we say, “It’s not fair.” “My life is just too crazy to deal with my diabetes or weight right now.”
We become the victim in our minds.
You might think, “What? I don’t think I’m a victim.”
Just hear me out for a moment while I show you how sneaky our brains can be.
If I ask you, “Why haven’t you reached your goal?” and you get defensive, THAT is worth investigating.
Byron Katie says, “Defense is the first act of war.”
Blame is the clearest sign. Do you blame food? Your family? Demands on your time? Your money situation? Your metabolism? Your genetic makeup? Yourself for being out of control?
Who or what becomes the villain?
Here is an example of how this was showing up in my own life: I used to blame my kids for why I couldn’t lose weight.
I would say to myself, “There’s no way I can avoid all the things I shouldn’t be eating! I constantly have my hands in things I can’t have! Oreos, bagels with cream cheese, garlic bread, PB&J, brownies, ice cream! I have to SMELL and TOUCH all this food! It’s impossible!” Convincing right?
AND they eat all day long! What the what! 🤬
Finally, after a long time of not getting where I wanted to go, I took responsibility for putting food in my mouth. I mean, no one can MAKE me eat ANYTHING, right? In the end, I make the decision every. single. time. to put that food in my mouth.
Once I accepted that, I had 100% control over whether or not I lost weight.
It feels like relief when we assign the blame to someone else. Because then, we don’t have to take responsibility for what is not working in our lives. We have an excuse why we don’t have to try anymore.
But what I want to show you is that when we assign responsibility to something outside of us, we lose all our power. We become powerless.
What’s even worse is that sometimes, in our minds, we become the victim to ourselves. Then we are the victim and the villain at the same time. And we are struggling with the belief that there is something wrong with us. “I have no control around food.” “I’m eating behind my own back.” We are beating ourselves up for being lazy and undisciplined.
Another indication of this kind of thinking is self-pity. This is a big one for me. I used to find myself indulging in this type of thinking anytime I was suffering. Have you ever heard that we only suffer when we are focused on ourselves?
I created so much unnecessary suffering with my self-absorbed thinking about how everything in my life sucked so bad. If only I had awareness of my self-inflicted suffering, I could have seen how it wasn’t serving me to stay there.
Even when it seems completely justified, totally understandable the reasons why we are the victim, it is the most disempowering place to live.
In contrast, when you accept the parts of you that aren’t perfect, you gain authority over it.
You acknowledge you have work to do. You allow yourself to be vulnerable and examine it closely without descending into self-judgement. From a compassionate place, you can see clearly where you can improve and start problem solving.
This is where the work begins.
This is where transformation can happen.
Are you giving away all your power? Does it feel justified? If you’re sick of staying sick, this might be a good place to begin. It might be the first step you need to take to move toward your goal. I can help you take the first step and all the steps in between now and your future self that is free from Type 2 Diabetes.
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